The Shepherd, November 2006
The Tale of a Lazy Parent, 2
Age by Age, Stage by Stage
Before Birth — Before your child is born, you can “set the stage” for his or her introduction into the life of the Church. Choose godparents for your child from your own “home parish” who attend services regularly and participate with joy, and who make a great effort to live the Faith in their everyday lives. Ask your priest for his advice about people you are considering asking to be your child’s godparents: he may recommend someone you had not considered, or warn you that someone you were considering is overburdened or struggling, and not a good choice at this time.
Ultimately, your child’s godparents will share the burden of teaching your child about the Faith… pick a good teacher and role model! Infants & Toddlers — Make a point to hold your child up so that he can see what is going on around the church during services. During a recent monastery visit, I watched dumbfounded as the Abbess scooped up a toddler in a hug as Vigil began, then moved slowly around the nave with the little girl (and her doll) during the service. She touched everything she could reach, she sang as Mother sang, and two hours later she fell asleep in Mother’s embrace. Wow! I thought, that’s how to introduce a child to the kingdom of God!
Point out the censing of the Church and the clouds of smoke, the gleaming icons, the flickering candles, the music, and the entrances (or ‘parades’) to keep his attention focused on the worship. Keep up a whispering commentary if you can (even if he is too young for explanation, say the names of things, and that they are “for God” and “beautiful”). Don’t be afraid to move around the back and sides of the nave with your child so that he can touch the icon of St. Herman, or pick up an unlit candle, or breathe in the incense, or see the view right up the center aisle. Let him “explore” this holy environment with you as a guide… the side benefit of this is that your child will probably be too fascinated to fuss during services, and he’ll learn to be completely welcome in the house of God.
Does this mean that toddlers, or even older children, should be allowed to wander around on their own, explore under the pews, hide behind baptismal font at the back of the nave, or roll on the floor in the center aisle during the sermon? No, absolutely not! Children still need to show proper respect for the holy place where they are, the house of God. And the parents and godparents need to be at their side to explain what they’re supposed to be doing, and illustrate both proper behavior and attitude by example. (Fr. David Barr’s wonderful article on Church etiquette, “Some Things You Should Know while in Church,” appeared in the Summer 1997 issue of Orthodox Family Life, and is available on the internet on at least 5 different sites, including www.theologic.com/ oflweb.) Pre-Schoolers — Encourage your child to sing softly with you during the litanies and hymns, and work with him at home to learn the Our Father as soon as he is able to understand what he’s asked to repeat. Remind him to make the sign of the cross or bow toward the priest or deacon when it’s appropriate, and praise him when he does these things by himself at the right times.
Repeat over and over that it’s his job to pray, too, so that God can “hear” him and “see” him… he’s part of the “team” and can “play” just like the adults and older kids. You may even want to give him a picture prayer book so he can follow along with the main points of the service (matching the picture in the book to what he sees), and do what mom, dad, and the other adults are doing (turning pages together as the service progresses).
Eventually, you’ll have to “stay put” during services rather than wander together exploring, usually when a child is too heavy to hold comfortably for a long period. Choose a place to stand in the nave as close to the front as possible (or comfortable, if you still need to make occasional mid-service exits with younger children) and on the center aisle, so that your child can stand on his own and be able to see. Don’t worry if you child “sticks out” in the aisle a bit; our daughter sometimes “blends in” with the altar boys holding candles during the gospel (which is read in the center of the nave in our parish, since we have a deacon), but she can see and hear everything that goes on.
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