The Shepherd, October 2008
THE RELIGIOUS UPBRINGING OF CHILDREN
By Archpriest S. Shchukin
THE BATTLE WITH A CHILD’S BAD INCLINATIONS
ANOTHER MISTAKE that parents make is that they regard their child as if he were an innocent entity, in which there is still neither good nor evil. Experience demonstrates, though, that a child comes into this world not only with good qualities, but also with bad ones. Science calls these qualities inherited, but the Church sees them as a consequence of the ancestral sin [of Adam] which has distorted the nature of mankind. This means that in the soul of a child the power of evil is operative, inherited, as it were, not only from the closest but even from far distant forebears.
We know that each child bears an outward likeness to its forebears. One is like the father, another like the mother, a third, maybe, like its granny or even its great-granny. But along with physical inherited characteristics, the child also receives moral traits from its forebears and moreover, as a rule, the bad ones rather than the good ones. In this we see one of the fundamental rules of life, that the negative characteristics are more resilient than the positive, and that they freely pass down from generation to generation. We observe a particularly clear example of this in the vegetable world: the weeds are always more productive and vigorous than the garden plants or the vegetables. So that one can manage the garden or kitchen garden profitably, one has to battle continuously with the weeds.
The same is true in a child’s life: bad inclinations grow quickly, and can smother the good seed. For this reason, bringing up a child consists first and foremost of engaging in a battle with his bad inclinations. If we do not conquer them, we cannot think that we have inculcated good fundaments into the child. At the same time we see that the good traits of his forebears are not so easily passed on; they are not so resilient as the bad characteristics, so that without persistent labour, without culturing the child’s soul, his upbringing will be doomed to failure, in just the same way as without the necessary care a garden will be overgrown with weeds. Some will consider such an opinion of young children as excessively pessimistic, nonetheless the experience of life constantly reinforces this view. Take, for example, children left to their own devices, even if they are very talented, all this can be stifled and they will surrender to their baser inclinations.
Everyone who cares for children observes that even in an infant negative inclinations are manifest: they have their whims, and will not do what they need to, but they have to be trained. If the parents do not engage with these inclinations, then character deficiencies will develop in the child: selfishness, irritability, greediness, obstinacy. Very often parents complain about their little children, saying, “ Where does he get such obstinacy / capriciousness / inclinations to everything that is not allowed from?” And here we must understand that it is not necessary to teach a child wrong; it already lives within him. One attentive mother, who was concerned for her firstborn, said: “It is obvious that all these negative characteristics that he has stem from his father!” None of this means, of course, that the child has no positive characteristics, but it is the negative ones which develop first, and one must wage war on them.
Unfortunately many young parents regard all these “tares” casually, and explain them away as being a consequence of their being infants and lacking mental development. “Look, he is still very young,” they think, “when he gets older the bad will correct itself.” For this reason they pay no attention to the bad inclinations of the child and do not attempt to counter them. On the contrary, they will often show a kind of indulgence towards every caprice of their child, hoping thus to quiet him, just as the well-known proverb says: “Amuse the child, lest he cry.” Alas, then the child grows up, but the bad inclinations have not been torn up, and on the contrary they grow stronger. And if the parents give in to every whim of their child, then he, seeing this, will become all the more demanding, and will not endure being crossed. Thus capricious, heartless children, thinking only of themselves, will be raised in that family.
Both psychology and religion teach that every bad manifestation in the soul must needs be conquered at the beginning, before it grows stronger. If we leave it without attention, then from frequent repetition it will grow stronger and become habitual; habitual things are very difficult to eradicate, and may even stay with one throughout one’s whole life. Parents that apply undue leniency and untempered love to their child, “feel sorry” for him, and do not correct him will later regret it bitterly. Later it is difficult to re-train him, and the child will grow up heartless, self-willed and undisciplined.
Look at what the Ever-memorable Archpriest Father [St] John of Cronstadt wrote in his time: “Parents and educators, with the greatest solicitude warn your children against capriciousness. Otherwise, the children will infect their hearts with evil. Early on they will abandon holy, sincere love, and when they reach maturity they will bitterly regret that in their young years you pandered too much to their whims. Capriciousness is seed of corruption of the heart.”
Parents are bound from the very earliest years to bring up their young children to “feel” (if they are not yet capable of understanding) that there are some things that are permitted and some that are not permitted. Every incidence of false pity, or of delay, in this respect is extremely harmful and could spoil the child. Therefore every child must understand what is not permitted, or that a light punishment will be inescapable. Trust that even the smallest and as yet “irrational” child will quickly grasp that there are things he can do and things he should not. When he grasps that the things which are not allowed lead to unpleasant consequences for him, the child will involuntarily avoid everything that is not permitted. By following this path, a healthy foundation will be formed in him on which you will be able to build further in bringing him up. His childish will, even though it is only just starting to be formed, will be prepared thereby to realize that he must adhere to established standards and not simply follow his own desires and whims.
… to be continued in the next issue with
“What is a Christian Up-Bringing Founded Upon?”
|
