The Shepherd, September 2009
THE RELIGIOUS UPBRINGING
OF CHILDREN
By Archpriest S. Shchukin
DIFFICULTIES & MISTAKES IN BRINGING UP CHILDREN
IN THE FAMILY
UNFORTUNATELY, even believing parents start to have misgivings when their children manifest a warm faith. They fear that they will become too church-centred, “pious prats,” and that this will spoil them for a career in life. All this reveals the lack of faith in the parents and that they do not understand that the soul of a person is of more worth than all earthly good things. The words of the Gospel - “what shall it profit a man if he gain the whole world, and lose his own soul” - are either unknown to them, or they think that this does not apply to the souls of their children. But if we believe in Christ and in the sanctity of His commandments, then how can we be fearful that the fulfilling of those commandment might somehow harm children? But under the influence of the materialistic American [Western] way of life, parents think more about the daily concerns of life than about the spiritual preparation of their children.
It happens also, that the circumstances of life at home also disturb the spiritual growth of children. Worldly interest can deflect parents from working with their children, and the parents themselves accustom their children to such pursuits as might be inimical to their religious upbringing. Here we must consider television, sports and other entertainments, which can poison a child’s mind. In particular, television can be a great hindrance in the spiritual development of children; it can not only consume a great deal of time, but it can dispose children to a passivity and to be easily distracted, without imparting any educational value, and at times it is outright harmful. [The same, of course, could now be said for the internet - ed.] Therefore those Orthodox families are correct, who refrain from buying a television for the sake of the children, or carefully monitor its use. It may be thought that such self-discipline manifests a failure to be up-to-date, and is excessive. But we must recall the words of the Gospel about the dangers of the wide path, on which the majority journey, and that the path of salvation for the Christian is narrow.
There is something more: children may become better adherents of the Faith and draw their parents to it. Such children will remind papa or mama of the church regulations, about the feasts, about keeping the fasts. They hurry to church, put up candles and venerate the icons. This is good if the parents do not object to this readiness and themselves begin to be drawn to the church and church observances. But often a conflict will arise in the family: the children are drawn to the Church, but the parents counter this and dampen their enthusiasm. Rare of those families, where the parents consciously and systematically bring their children to church, giving them a good example.
In connection with this we must touch upon the question of serving in church. Without doubt, serving in the altar for a young boy is a positive experience. Frequent participation in the Liturgy and closeness to the priest sometimes lead a boy to begin to “dream” of ministry in the Church, and from this children will often “play at services.” Although this does not indicate that the child will indeed take that path, it arouses misgivings and disapproval in the majority of parents. Many Orthodox regard the serious religious dispositions of their little girls lighty, but consider such dispositions in boys as undesirable or even dangerous! But among other things, who will replace the older generation of our clergy, except those young men, who have been brought up in Orthodox families? Furthermore there is something parallel in the bringing up of young girls. Often fathers and mothers object to their marriage to men hoping to become priests, and consider this disadvantageous and constraining. In turn, the absence of suitable possible brides prevents many young men in America from becoming priests....
Such parents commit a great sin, trying to quench the love of God in their children. In actuality, they hinder their children from coming to Christ. Objecting to the best yearnings of their son, they deprive the Church of a zealous parishioner or priest, all for the sake of turning him into a regular American or Canadian [or Englishman for that matter! -ed]. We have already indicated that in such instances the parents probably have misgivings regarding their son’s “career.” But sometimes they are simply ashamed that a son of theirs would become a minister of the Church. Naturally for truly believing parents such shame has no place at all, but for those with little faith such a sacrifice for God is beyond their bearing; it gives birth to every kind of fear. For a real Christian the path according to faith is always the most correct. Even though in material circumstances or those of this life, the faithful person stands apart from his peers, yet in the spiritual sphere he will be higher than them, and - as the Gospel says - he will approach blessedness. For this reason Orthodox parents are obliged to entrust the Christian path of their children to God with a peaceful disposition and without any kind of doubting. They should be far more fearful for those who choose the usual paths of worldly advancement, which are thwart with many perils.
Returning again to serving in church, it is necessary to emphasize once more that it is one of the very best ways to strengthen the religious formation of a young boy. This does not mean that he will necessarily choose the spiritual path, but in any event it binds him more strongly to the Church. In a similar way, children, both boys and girls, are bound in through every active participation in the services, such as reading, chanting in the choir, or even simply tidying up the church. It is necessary for both parents and pastors to bear in mind that such participation is not purely exterior and habitual, but will be transfigured as a reverent service of the Church. Then this disposition to their obligations will instill in a youth or young woman a love of the Church of God which will last.
How are those parents who cannot accept or cannot sustain their children’s interest in the Church to act? The answer is the same as that given about the case when unity of opinion between the parents is lost. There we noted that in some cases it is better to entrust the religious upbringing of the children to more religious relatives. So in like manner it follows that we should act in this instance as well, and entrust the spiritual guidance of the children to the hands of an experienced teacher or a priest. Ourselves setting aside the religious education in this way will be significantly more profitable than a prolonged struggle between the parents and the children, which might even provoke serious dissension within the family.
……to be continued in the next issue with “The Conclusion.”
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