On faith, 2

In spite of all this, he did nothing special (as he assured me on oath), except that every evening without fail he practised the small rule given him by his elder, and never went to bed to sleep without performing it.  But after some time his conscience began to urge him: Make a few more prostrations, recite a few extra psalms, repeat “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me!” as many more times as you can.  He willingly obeyed his conscience and did all it suggested without thought, as though it were a command of God Himself.  He never went to bed with his conscience reproaching him: why did you not do this or that?  Thus he always listened to his conscience, never leaving undone whatever it suggested to him.  And every day his conscience added more and more to his usual rule, and in a few days his evening prayers swelled to great proportions.  His days were spent in the house of a certain Patricius, his work being to cater for the needs of all the people living there.  But every evening he went away, and no one knew what he did at home.  What he actually did was to shed copious tears, to make a great many prostrations, prostrating himself with his face to the ground.  When he stood at prayer he always kept his feet tightly pressed together and stood without moving; with a grieving heart, with sighing and tears he recited prayers to the Holy Virgin; addressing himself to our Lord Jesus Christ, he fell at His immaculate feet as if He had been there in the flesh, and implored Him to have mercy on him, as He once had on the blind man, and to open the eyes of his soul.  Each evening his prayers grew longer and longer so that, at last, he stood at prayer till midnight.  Yet he never permitted himself when at prayer, either slackness or negligence, or easy postures; never let his eyes turn to the right or left or upwards to look at something, but stood motionless, like a pillar or as though he had no body.

Once, when he was thus standing at prayer, saying more in his mind than with his lips: “God, have mercy on me, a sinner,” a brilliant Divine radiance descended on him from above and filled all the room.  Thereupon the young man forgot that he was in a room, or beneath a roof, for on all sides he saw nothing but light; he was not even aware of standing on the ground.  All worldly cares left him, and there came to his mind no thoughts common to men clothed with flesh.  He became wholly dissolved in this transubstantial light and it seemed to him that he himself became light.  So be forgot the whole world and was filled with tears and unspeakable joy.  Thereupon his mind rose upwards to heaven and there he saw another light, brighter than the light which surrounded him.  And to his surprise it seemed to him that on the edge of this light stood the holy and angelic elder who had given him the small precept on prayer and the book of St. Mark the Ascetic.

On hearing this from the young man, I thought that he had been greatly helped by the prayers of his elder, and that God had granted him this vision to show the high level of virtue on which this elder stood.  As the young man said later, when the vision vanished and he came to himself, he found himself filled with joy and wonder, shedding copious tears, his heart filled with great sweetness.  Finally he went to bed, but immediately a cock began to crow, showing that it was already past midnight.  A little later he heard the church bells ringing for Matins; so the young man got up, according to his custom, to read the early morning service.  Thus he never slept that night—the thought of sleep never entered his mind.

How all this came to pass, only the Lord knows, for it was all His inscrutable work.  Yet this youth did nothing in particular, except always to adhere firmly to the rule given him by the elder, and to follow the instructions contained in the little book, with unshakable faith and undaunted hope.  Let no one say that he did all this as a test.  Such a thing never even entered his mind.  He who makes tests does not possess firm faith.  But, brushing aside every passionate or self-indulgent thought, this youth was so anxious to perform exactly what his conscience suggested, that he no longer had any feeling for the things of this world, finding no pleasure even in eating and drinking his fill.