The Shepherd, June 2009
THE RELIGIOUS UPBRINGING OF CHILDREN
By Archpriest S. Shchukin
UPBRINGING IN A FAMILY FAR FROM THE CHURCH
IN THE DIASPORA, it often happens that we are far distant from a church. This makes the religious upbringing of the children much more complicated, because all the effort involved falls on the family itself. But in these circumstances the parents must not spare their labours, but must struggle all the more to work for their children. We must remember that from time immemorial the Orthodox Church has regarded the family as an independent centre of churchly enlightenment. According to Orthodox teaching, the family is regarded as a “domestic church,” having its own interior spiritual life. Normal parish experience shows us that this is not always realized, and they simply use the church services and the guidance of the clergy [without any input of their own]. But if there is no church nearby, then the Orthodox family has of necessity to take care of itself in maintaining its spiritual aims.
First and foremost, every care must to taken to maintain morning and evening prayers, prayers before and after eating, and to do this as much a possible with the whole family together. Then it is necessary to keep the Lord’s Day, Sunday, when again the family must pray together and read something edifying together. The Twelve Great Feasts should not be forgotten, even if they fall on weekdays; and one should also observe the family feast days and days of remembrance [i.e. namedays of the family members, anniversaries of spiritual milestones in family life, and the years’ minds of the departed members of the family]. What can one read on such occasions? It is best to read the prayers, canons or akathists. If someone in the family is able to sing, and can learn the simple church chants, that will be even better. Finally, if someone knows something about the church services themselves, then you may read from the service books. You only need to remember that lay people do not read the whole service, but only the choir parts, and they omit the parts done by the priest or deacon. Also one may read sections from the Gospel or the apostolic Epistles, following, for example, the sections appointed for each day in the calendar. Besides this, it is very profitable for both the adults and the children to read from the Lives of the Saints, from Orthodox magazines, and from books with a sound religious content. Such spiritual nourishment goes some way to providing for the lack of a church service for the family, and saves them from perhaps otherwise attending heterodox services. We must especially emphasise the keeping of the fasts; there is nothing that so alienates us from the life of the Church as disregarding them. There is nothing that so surely lays the seal of the Church upon us as conscientiously keeping the fasts.
On the other hand, the Orthodox family that is far distant from a church, must ensure that it is not isolated from her spiritually. This means that they should consider themselves members of a particular Orthodox parish, however far away from them it might be. The bond with this parish must not simply be a formal one, and expressed just by some correspondence, or just receiving their spiritual literature and parish bulletins. It must also involve having the priest visit and going to the church for confession and Communion. In arranging their church life, a family in this situation must work with the priest. He can also indicate useful catechism books, religious books and journals, and can give some instruction on saying the services at home, and so on. … The children’s instruction in catechism needs to be systematic, and the children must be introduced to studying on their own. But without sustained effort, and without a constant battle with the children’s other inclinations, it will be impossible to prevent their being absorbed into the [non-Orthodox] society around them. Even in isolated families, these efforts will bring forth their fruits. For those assailed by doubts and worries, it is easy to find an example of some isolated family which has managed to safeguard their faith and culture for their children.
The important thing for such families is not to loose contact with the closest Orthodox church, and to exert every effort to defend themselves from alien religious, and everyday, influences. The very best way to achieve this is never to conceal one’s Orthodoxy and only in this way only to show others the significance of our manner of life. Such an open, straight manner of conduct from the family will not only evoke the respect of heterodox neighbours, but also avoids our having to give those fainthearted and forced embarrassed justifications for our conduct to those around us.
Let us add just one more thing: an isolated family must always regard their isolation from the church as a situation which is not normal, and they should try at the earliest opportunity to re-locate nearer to the church. This is especially important if they have children, who need to attend church and the church school.
……to be continued in the next issue with “Difficulties
& Mistakes in Bringing Up Children in the Family”
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