The Shepherd, January 2009
THE RELIGIOUS UPBRINGING OF CHILDREN
By Archpriest S. Shchukin
RELIGIOUS UPBRINGING WITHIN THE FAMILY
IT HAS ALREADY been stated that, while the child is still small, we much exert the greatest influence on his feelings. And as he grows, one must educate his will. We need pay less attention to his reason, which for some long time yet will not be capable of directing his behaviour; we will soon be convinced that a person lives more than anything else by the dictates of his feelings and his desires. For this reason we need least of all to burden the child with extended moral teachings and argumentations, attempting to show him things “logically,” instead we need to give the chief attention to the child’s behaviour and his inner motivation.
A child’s upbringing within the family starts with his instruction in obedience. The sooner the child is inclined to heed the instructions of his parents straight away, the easier his subsequent training will be. In the beginning, this training is conducted though restraints: “Don’t do that!” “That is not necessary!” “That is not good!” … But the child will develop and you must give him something positive, to guide him and instruct him. It is here that difficulties begin, oftentimes for the child to be corrected words alone are not enough. It happens that here we meet the child’s disinclination to submit, and a certain stubbornness in him. So that they can overcome this, the parents have to resort to stronger measures.
Here two courses of action open up: a) some parents (the majority) resort to punishments, and b) others follow a purely religious way. Physical punishment, of course, leaves an impression on the child, but if it is used often and becomes the main means of education, then it will inevitably lead to unpleasant consequences. First of all, the child will be trained to follow the positive way only “under the stick,” and his will will not be trained to do what is necessary from some inner conviction. Secondly, such punishment, if it is continuous, will nurture in the child bitterness, secretiveness and a lack of trust, which later will be difficult to extirpate, and can have painful consequences for his whole character.
It is much more conducive to success to take the other path of training, the one established on religious views. Believing parents can almost completely abandon any physical punishment, because they have other avenues to pursue in influencing the child’s will. For, they do not impose their regulations upon the child, but only what is required by Almighty God. A believing mother will instruct her child thus: “Don’t do that - God does not like it!” “That is not allowed - God does not permit it!” “If you do that, God will punish you!” And if the child persists in his disobedience (and, say, hurts or burns himself) then the mother can say: “You see, God had punished you because you would not listen to Him.” [In the Russian, the word for God here is a kindly, diminutive version, which cannot readily be translated into English, but which softens the reproach- transl.]
Gradually, step by step, the parents can instill in the child a feeling of responsibility towards God. If the child starts to do something forbidden in secret, then they can say to him: “Do you think that God does not see what you are doing here in my absence! God sees everything.” And they can show the child the icon in the corner. When one young boy, trying to swipe some sugar from the sideboard, went and turned the icon face to the wall so that God would not see (!), his mother explained to him the God dwells in the Highest heaven and from there sees everything that happens upon earth.
But it is not only when forbidding things that one must mention the name of God; it is even more important that positive demands on the child’s will be founded on Divine authority, so that he might comprehend that God aids us in everything that is good. The chief course to achieving this is prayer. When a mother teaches her child to pray, then she must impress upon him that without God’s help he will not be able to achieve anything good. “Pray to God and He will help you to be obedient and good.” … “Listen to God, do what He wants and all will be well with you.” … Then you must teach the child to give thanks to God for all that he has - for his good heath, for his food, for all his things and for all his enjoyments.
To present God as the Heavenly Father, Who loves all people, and on Whom the child can hope, has an enormous educational significance for the infant conscience. For instance, when a child is alone at home or perhaps somewhere among strange people, the mother can comfort him: “You are not alone, because God, Who always looks after you, is with you.” At a certain age, you need tell the child about his Guardian angel, who accompanies him, and in this way you will dispel any fear of dark places or of being on his own. There is no less significance in impressing upon the child’s sensitive soul love for God, the God Who does not desire him to be afraid, but Who loves him, and is the source of every good thing. So that these feelings developing in the child will not be too abstract, it is good to connect them to the sacred things that he can see: the icons, the Holy Cross, the church, etc. Through these outward, visible holy things, a feeling will grow in the child of reverence and piety towards God. But, then again, so that this does not simply remain emotion alone, all this must be bound up with the required outward observances: with daily prayer, making the sign of the Cross, prostrations and all the rest. By these the child will be disciplined not only interiorly but even in outward things, even his body will be subject to the tested regulations and his will will be inclined towards deference before God’s will.
… to be continued in the next issue
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